On feeling like giving up.

Being creative is hard.  Here I sit, eight years on from when I created the character of Stanto Pigwalter and the world he lives in, about four drafts and endless false starts later.  I’ve tried creating him in multiple formats, in everything from comics to writing to a podcast novel (which never even got past the planning stage).  Stanto and his friends and their adventures live inside of my head; they’ve haunted me for almost a decade now.  God, was it really that long ago?  I was in Iraq at the time and a friend, Jack, introduced me to Dungeons & Dragons to pass the time.  It was there that Stanto was born.  He was born in the shade of two HummVs, with a couple of grubby, dirty Marines having an improvised D&D game.  I had seen Jack around, but had never really spoken to him before that day.  We quickly became friends after that, though.  I owe Stanto’s birth to the guy.

I also owe the frustration to him.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been one of the best rides in my life… it’s just that it won’t materialize, no matter how hard I try.  I’m not a good enough artist to get what I want on paper, and I’m not a good enough writer to put the adventures down on paper and not have it come off as some half-baked derivative of a thousand other fantasy novels.
I want to share Stanto with the world.  I feel that I need to share Stanto with the world… but some days I just look at my art equipment or my computer and I feel like crawling under the bed for the rest of the day.  The task is so huge that I feel I can never properly begin it, much less end it in a satisfactory manner.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up entirely.


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